So, the wedding's tomorrow, right?

And this is how excited I am. I haven't packed, I haven't taken The Huz's shirt to the cleaners, I haven't ironed the boys' outfits, I haven't done anything. Not a thing. We leave for the rehearsal at 4:00 pm and it's 11:30 am and I'm just sitting on my ass messing around online and pretending this weekend isn't happening.

I have to give a toast tonight at the rehearsal dinner, and I am struggling so much. I want to just bury my head in the sand and pull it out on Sunday morning. Working on writing my speech has really brought these emotions of sadness, fear and anxiety for my sister all to a head. Trying to find words that aren't lies but that are loving and kind are is almost impossible. I am planning to talk about how as a child, my big sister was everything I always wanted to be, the one who was bold, who took chances, who jumped into new things, and how that relates to her taking this next bold step in her life, but how can I get through it without crying when I think it's a terrible mistake? I guess 99.9% of the people who are there will think that the tears are tears of joy and the normal wedding emotions, rather than sadness at what I fear is a mistake.

I pray that I am wrong, and that God knows that they are well-suited for one another and they will be the happiest couple on the planet. I would love nothing more than to be wrong.