Two Blue Lines

What's what was staring at me in the face yesterday morning. I was complaining to a friend that I was exhausted, falling asleep with Sir H at 7:30 pm and not waking until the next morning. Sunday evening I actually feel asleep with my church clothes on, fully made-up face. I was also confused because I had felt nauseated a few days in a row for no reason at all. A few more anomalies, and it hit me like a freight train. Two weeks before, we had enjoyed some adult activities without taking any precautions.

So, the next morning, I peed on that stick, and within 5 minutes, a second blue line popped up. I think my heart stopped. I almost fell down. I think I may have uttered a few profanities. I had a doctor's appointment already scheduled for Sir H, so I requested a blood draw to ease my mind. We spent the day talking through it, and in our weekly marriage counseling session, we worked through some of our apprehension, and the sweetest husband alive said, "You know, if we are, I'm actually kind of excited. The Bear is getting to that age where he's really fun, and Sir H is, well, he's Sir H, and he's the best ever, so I know it would be okay." Of course, at the time, instead of appreciating him for his sweet and kind heart, I hollered back, "You're not the one who has to carry it! You knocked me up, you asshole!" Things improved from there.

I got up this morning, took another test and it was full-on negative. Thirty minutes later, the nurse called with the results: also negative. Thank you Lord! I know that if we were to have conceived a baby, we would definitely know that God had intentions for that child beyond our understanding, but all I could think about was my shallow protestation, "But I just lost the last of the baby weight!"

What the experience did for me was cement my desire to have a third child (spaced three years apart from The Bear, so not to be conceived for another 2 years), and cement The Huz's desire to be finished with two. I have a feeling that mama can wear that silly man down. Seriously, he almost always defers to me when it comes to emotional issues like that, if, in 2 years, I am certain that our family would be completed with a third and last child, he would most certainly concede that I was right and we would happily start enjoying the process of making another baby.

Just NOT RIGHT NOW. Hallelujah!