You cannot lose my love

I subscribe to a music service where I can play unlimited songs from my laptop for some small fee a month, and I can make playlists of different songs for different moods. The Huz has a knack for envisioning the expansion of anything, and so has made it where I can broadcast my laptop music to the whole house where we have surround sound speakers, which is the living room, the kitchen and attached sunroom.

Yesterday, I was playing my "Sweet Baby Songs" playlist, which includes some beautiful songs that speak to me about the love a parent has for a child, anything from Tim McGraw's "My Little Girl" to John Mayer's "Daughters", (even though I have boys). We're having our 3rd Annual Pumpkin Carving Party tomorrow, so while The Bear slept, Sir H and I were very busy working in the kitchen. He was in charge of the KitchenAid stand mixer, lowering and raising it, locking and turning it on and off. Big job, and he certainly pulled it off with aplomb.

In the playlist, a beautiful song by Sara Groves came on, called "You Cannot Lose My Love," some of the lyrics are

You will lose your baby teeth, at times, you'll lose your faith in me.
You will lose a lot of things, but you cannot lose my love.
You may lose your appetite, your guiding sense of wrong and right.
You may lose your will to fight, but you cannot lose my love.

Obviously, it's a song that speaks to the depth and breadth of a mother's love for her child, no matter what that child does. I feel so fiercely about my boys that I know that no matter what they do, no matter what path they take, there is a visceral connection and emotion there that will never be broken, not even by death.

So, I was singing softly along as Sir H and I were working in the kitchen, me rolling out some cookie dough while he was in charge of licking the dough from the bowl in handfuls making sure the mixer was running correctly, and he nonchalantly started the following conversation, from a companionable silence:

H: "I can't lose your love."
Me: "Nope." [My heart leaping in my chest at the sweetness, but trying remain nonchalant to match his tone so as not to shriek in delight and knock him off his stool in fear]
H: "I can make badacisions (bad decisions) and I can't lose your love."
Me: "Exactly. No matter what, I will always love you."
H: "Yeah. You'll always love me."
[5 second pause while I found my voice]
Me: "So, where'd you learn that?"
H: "You. You teached me."

Wow. I will never, ever forget that. Ever. It is such a poignant exchange, because it says so many things to me. First, that I must somehow be communicating my great love for him in an adequate way. Second, that he's secure, as evidenced by his ability to state his certainty especially in such a casual way. To him, it's not news or really particularly interesting, it was just an observation. And third, that all of those times where I have screwed up, where I've been too harsh in my language, too rough in my handling, or too lax because I just don't want to hear. one. more. minute. of. whining., that all of those things are just things, they're just moments, and what Sir H knows and remembers and has integrated into his 3 (and 3/4) year old heart is that he can't lose Mommy's love.

What a blessing tonight. Thank you, God, for that beautiful moment.